Boris Johnson  

British Prime Minister, and T-RUMP Inspired Hair Aficionado

Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson is a British politician serving as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom and Leader of the Conservative Party since July 2019. He has been the Member of Parliament for Uxbridge and South Ruislip since 2015 and was the MP for Henley from 2001 to 2008.

Spouse: Marina Wheeler (m. 1993), Allegra Owen (m. 1987–1993)Trending
Born: June 19, 1964 (age 55 years), Upper East Side, New York, NY
Partner: Carrie Symonds
Children: Lara Lettice Johnson, Theodore Apollo Johnson, Cassia Peaches Johnson, Milo Arthur Johnson

London (CNN) Boris ( Mad Hair) Johnson was one of the most prominent pro-Brexit campaigners in 2016, and now he has inherited a political crisis that, when you break it down, still looks a long way from being resolved.  

But supporters of Johnson believe that his optimism makes him the right man to dig Britain out of its Brexit ditch. And among those supporters is a certain Donald T-RUMP.  After the election Boris opinion of Donald changed….

Overlooking the fact that Johnson was in fact elected by Conservative Party members (0.2% of the population) rather than the country at large --- and that Trump is not in fact widely liked in the UK -- it's not a comparison that Johnson will be pleased about for a number of reasons. 


T-RUMP lacks certain qualities which the British traditionally esteem….
 For instance, he has no class, no charm, no coolness, no credibility, no compassion, no wit, no warmth, no wisdom, no subtlety, no sensitivity, no self-awareness, no humility, no honor and no grace – all qualities, funnily enough, with which his predecessor Mr. Obama was generously blessed.  So for us, the stark contrast does rather throw Trump’s limitations into embarrassingly sharp relief.

Plus, we like a laugh. And while Trump may be laughable, he has never once said anything wry, witty or even faintly amusing – not once, ever.  I don’t say that rhetorically, I mean it quite literally: not once, not ever. And that fact is particularly disturbing to the British sensibility – for us, to lack humor is almost inhuman.

But with T-RUMP  it’s a fact. He doesn’t even seem to understand what a joke is – his idea of a joke is a crass comment, an illiterate insult, a casual act of cruelty.

T-RUMP is a troll. And like all trolls, he is never funny and he never laughs; he only crows or jeers.

And scarily, he doesn’t just talk in crude, witless insults – he actually thinks in them. His mind is a simple bot-like algorithm of petty prejudices and knee-jerk nastiness.

There is never any under-layer of irony, complexity, nuance or depth. It’s all surface.  Some Americans might see this as refreshingly upfront. Well, we don’t. We see it as having no inner world, no soul.   And in Britain we traditionally side with David, not Goliath. All our heroes are plucky underdogs: Robin Hood, Dick Whittington, Oliver Twist.  Trump is neither plucky, nor an underdog. He is the exact opposite of that.

He’s not even a spoiled rich-boy, or a greedy fat-cat.  He’s more a fat white slug. A Jabba the Hutt of Privilege.   And worse, he is that most unforgivable of all things to the British: a bully.  That is, except when he is among bullies; then he suddenly transforms into a sniveling sidekick instead.

There are unspoken rules to this stuff – the Queensberry rules of basic decency – and he breaks them all. He punches downwards – which a gentleman should, would, could never do – and every blow he aims is below the belt. He particularly likes to kick the vulnerable or voiceless – and he kicks them when they are down. 

So the fact that a significant minority – perhaps a third – of Americans look at what he does, listen to what he says, and then think ‘Yeah, he seems like my kind of guy’ is a matter of some confusion and no little distress to British people, given that:  • Americans are supposed to be nicer than us, and mostly are.

You don’t need a particularly keen eye for detail to spot a few flaws in the man.  This last point is what especially confuses and dismays British people, and many other people too; his faults seem pretty bloody hard to miss.  After all, it’s impossible to read a single tweet, or hear him speak a sentence or two, without staring deep into the abyss. 

He turns being artless into an art form; he is a Picasso of pettiness; a Shakespeare of sh*t  His faults are fractal: even his flaws have flaws, and so on ad infinitum.  God knows there have always been stupid people in the world, and plenty of nasty people too. But rarely has stupidity been so nasty, or nastiness so stupid.  He makes Nixon look trustworthy and George W look smart.   In fact, if Frankenstein decided to make a monster assembled entirely from human flaws – he would make a T-RUMP.

And a remorseful Doctor Frankenstein would clutch out big clumpfuls of hair and scream in anguish:  
‘My God… what… have… I… created?…If being a twat was a TV show, T-RUMP would be the boxed set.

Nate White


 FEATURING THE ORCA WHALE FASHION STYLE                                                                                                                                                         

EDITOR:   The President wore white tails to the white tie event, but his tuxedo, from head to toe, was remarkably ill-fitted.  He truly looks like an ORCA Orcas are the top of the food chain in the Ocean.  T-RUMP is the bottom of the barrel in real time.

Speaking to Daily Mail, Patrick Murphy, the head cutter at tailors Davies and Son, who are based in Savile Row, London, said “ Everything you can imagine” was wrong with the US leader’s outfit.  We added:  including the schmuck inside of ithe’s on his own.

“ God Save The Queen From Ever Appearing With T-RUMP  

A Note To Her Royal Highness 
Queen Elizabeth

 Recently Visited and Embarrassed By

Sir Donald T-Rump Of Dork-Chester

Your Royal Highness, 

A Sincere Humble Apology To You And Our British Friends, We Love You,

We Have Minimalized Or Removed Many Pictures Of Her Majesty
 The Queen And The Other Royals Appearing With Donald of Dork-Chester...  

We Had Thousands Of Pictures But They Included Donald T-Rump… 

Being Donald And Thats Usually a Disgrace in Any Country

Nevertheless, Our Sick President Does Not Merit Being Recognized With

People Of Real Class And Honor Whether It Be Here Or Abroad…

God Save The Queen, And Best Wishes On Your Birthday…
By The Way, I Love Your Hats

And Mr. Mestopheles You Can Have T-Rump

As It Is Believed You Already Own Him…