BECOME AN EVANGELIST

 


BECOME A TV-EVANGELIST…

You too can be a teller of tales !  Simply fill out the Evangelical Pastor application and you can make lots of money with starting your own Church…    Prosperity Gospel is flourishing and thats how  the others did it and they are cleaning clocks  —  Millions of dollars tax free,  and you can even start a new personal Religion even Fetishes are ok!


Earn A Bablical Degree  -  If you wish to become a charlatan, priest, pastor, advisor, con job or some other title read on.  We can help you get the stuff you need to make money from other people… and hang that 29.95 certificate on your wall.  It’s the key to financial rewards beyond your imagination using our proven tools all the big names in The Prosperity Gospel use.

Your phony TV preachers, a Bastion of Biblical Babbling Crusaders are happy to brag about their compromised slew of honorary degrees. ( Not accredited and worthless) 

Anyone with an IQ above 63 as several of the “ believers “ rank, do not know they are not real degrees but they sound and look good.   Politicians, brethren to Religious fakirs love these degrees and adorn their walls with all kinds of honorariums mostly given by other fakes to other fakes.   

Just Google Honorary Degrees and give that rescued mutt you love so much a degree in Human Affection for only 19.95.  Proudly hang it on the wall.  Pet Degrees are 19.95 and the naive and stupid people will believe you that Rocco your hound will save their soul by shitting on their lawn.   


Most Pastors Credentials Are Fakes… See How They Did It!  You Can Do It Too!

You Will Be Right Up There With The Winners…  Most of these TV religious celebrities professing a knowledge of God’s personal cell phone number do not have real credentials in Academia. They have honorary degrees given by cohorts printed on cheap paper most from fake Seminary sounding Photoshop studios.  Some making and stealing forty to 100 million dollars a year

Just like the one above where Donald got his.  It made him a Bachelor of Farts in Theoretical reality shows.  If you believe in creating your own false gospel, or any false prophet that you are imbedded with, reap the profits…with profit-si.

TRUTH —  Students of theology, divinity and religion are often unsure about the differences between a Ph.D. in divinity and the Doctor of Divinity degree. At first glance, the two seem to be identical. A deeper overview of the respective degrees reveals, however, that a Ph.D. and a DD are substantially different and are awarded to very different groups of people. Significantly, the Ph.D. is a four year college level earned degree, while the DD is strictly honorary and we call it the Doo-Doo Degree because it isn’t worth a sh*t. 

Admissions  — Admission to a Ph.D. in divinity is rigorous and competitive, while admission to a DD program is usually nonexistent, since the degree is purely honorary. The Ph.D. in divinity is an academic degree and, as such, the credentials for admission have more to do with academic than religious achievements. 

Typically, a Ph.D. in divinity is found in an institution's religion department, as is the case at Duke University, for example. Admissions is assessed based on normal academic credentials, such as GRE scores, GPA and evidence of scholarly research. A committee thinking about awarding a D.D., on the other hand, considers a clergy person’s religious achievements over a lifetime, including seminarian accomplishments and ability to inspire the faithful.


Doctor of Divinity Degree Details —  Do you feel your ministry is calling you to the next step?  we understand, they just don’t believe the GED you got in prison is sufficient enough to preach the bible.  But several companies think otherwise and most of the cons out there know how its done.

You can obtain the Doctor of Divinity Degree ( DDD-Doo-Doo) through the Universal Life Church. When you order this custom 8.5” x 11” frame-able certificate, we send it out to be hand-lettered in beautiful calligraphy by our church scribe whose has been in a dungeon for forty—two years…   It is printed on high quality paper, with a standard frame sizing and features the Fake ULC gold church seal.

Order a hand lettered certificate commemorating your self guided completion of study in the field of divinity.  Your kit will Include your degree and Guide to Divinity booklet.   But wait!   here is an additional offer…  Official Certificate Holder  Just add +$3.99 or the Premium Certificate holder for a modest $14.99


DEGREE NOTICE:   
Any titles in the name field will be removed since your name is the important part…The date issued on the degree will be the date it is ordered, not the ordination date.  Pay first then get degree

Click HERE for shipping and return information, no returns if you spelled your name wrong or the incarceration housing won’t accept packages…


Doctor of Divinity Degree

( D.D. Doo-Doo)

SIDEBAR:  The Doctor of Divinity Degree when presented to the public as legitimate education is a fraud.  It is nothing but an attempt at honesty by a bunch of crooks whose real GOD is Mammon, the God of money.  Most of these so -called Evangelical frauds are cons and have a lot in common… Like never serving their country, draft dodgers like T-RUMP, who adored other fakes and cons.

These degrees are honorariums, a gift for something in return, nothing to study, nothing to complete, nothing to create a manifesto or brilliant work in religion.  You subscribe, follow the bullsh*t and get a diploma.  All the fake schools and theologically fake scams do this.  Their sermons come off a computer you can buy programs for and it’s all plagiaristic bullsh*t, they are all reality shows.

It is not a college or a four year term year program resulting in a PHD in Religion called a Doctor of Theology.  It is a Doctor of Doo-Doo.  To get a degree or have one made up, requires little other than a credit card or checking account.  It’s easy and fake…it is not academia, no personal sacrifice needed…no hundred mile treks in the desert, no living in monasteries, or spending months feeding the poor, you can do it all from your recliner and laptop.

They are pieces of paper, congratulations for succeeding as a contributor, running a church, and making noise, speaking in tongues, but have no value for truthfulness or intelligence in Academia as they give these degrees out like candy from one crook to another. usually they give one as a bribe for a guest appearance and speech, or contribution of money…  All designed to give the right impression to a bunch of yay-hoos with little or no smarts being used for the fakes personal gain. 

True pastors in a real church have provisions to feed the poor, help parishioners and supply good advice and hope for the community. They need your help… people are starving and any one of those planes, cars and houses they buy with your tithe could feed a small city… but thats not your worry… You want to make money, greed is what drives these frauds.

The TV pastors like the Politicians they imitate are always talking about money, beating the tax code, living opulently, they are like joined at the hip by greed and lies.  You can be part of them and get nice clothes, nice cars, maybe an airplane.  They also speak of patriotism yet none have served, none have fought for this country, why bother.  Their GOD is money, believe it…his name is Mammon. (Hindu) it is mentioned in the Bible…


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MORE SPECIAL OFFERS 

New! Only $49.95 Retail - The Lego Jesus Dinning Out Collection

See Lego’s new Last Supper Toy retails at 49.95 and for you, your cost of 24.95, a real money maker Christmas time and prepackaged in dozen units.  Free Shipping !  

This month Extra Lego Doll Figure of Mary Magdalene with each set. You can add or not use Mary depending on which story you believe...  It will look great on the mantle behind your desk with all the other symbolic stuff you show for your effect on givers…great effect and it makes you money… 


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You Need A Real Ordaining Diploma

At ULC they had the best selection… 

From $39.95 to $89.00  Free Shipping 

The second group consists of Ordaining Credentials which really look good on the walls of your cell or office. One company does a great job with man-made cut and paste wording,  and a wonderful assortment of good-looking and impressive wood, metal,  woven straw and Yak skins, easily ordered on line or do it yourself in kit form.  

We call them the Divinity Framers and Farmers.  They produce real , official looking fake documents, basically a fraud in itself but since a fraud is getting it, they don’t care.  

They are serving this whose needs are real and  producing great artwork less the expense of legalities and effort.  Just define everything by praising Jesus ad nauseam and those out there will believe you…  

The problem is these suckers are just that to promote themselves and can do harm to people who turn to religion in moments of need.  Who cares, no one reads these things anyway, and you can make money.  Just Google “ Fake Diplomas”.  You can get almost anything…  


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The Ordained Minister Certificate — No One Ever Is Turned Down… It’s Free

CLAIM:  The Universal Life Church Monastery (ULC) is a non-denominational, non-profit  religious organization famous worldwide for its provision of free, legal ordinations to its vast fake and fraud membership over the internet.

Vast membership of anyone stupid enough to believe this sh*t.  Please make sure you check with your local Tax Collector,  Police Department, the IRS, and persons of strong established religious normalcy in the community like the following

Be well armed ( Guns, knives, flash bangs) since you are infringing on their territory, barrio, church, or turf and may have a resident Bishop, Priest, Pastor, Rabbi’s, Shaolin priests, A Bhikkhu (Buddhist) Imam, Grand Imam’s, Mufti, (Muslim) Swami and Houngan or Mambo (priest or priestess) in Haitian Voodoo after your ass. 

In addition, we have other frauds called Alternative Practitioners, Faith healers,  Isangoma, Medicine man,  Mundunugu,  Obeah doctor,  Sorcerers,  Wangateur’s or Wizard’s who will not be happy with you. Expect a deluge of curses aimed at you and be aware of a Cobra in your bed…due to the lack of horses heads.

The ULC, recognizing the importance of maintaining open hearts and mindsembraces any individual, no matter his or her spiritual background,who wishes to become a member of this family of faith. Since it’s founding, the Universal Life Church has ordained more than 20 million ministers as long as he or she has cash, check or money order

The ULC has also become renowned for its role as a champion of religious freedom, social justice, and spiritual expression. While the Universal Life Church Monastery has become a global leader in these fields, it largely attributes that status to the commitment and competence of the millions of empowered ministers brought together in a world tent of togetherness.  We let anyone bullshit as long as therapy their dues.

The Universal Life Church is headquartered in Seattle, Washington — from which it performs and records all ordinations, ships out minister supplies like Ordination Credentials and Letters of Good Standing,  and fights daily for the rights of its ministers and persecuted individuals everywhere so they can steal from the poor and stupid and keep them in money.

And any other bullshit slogan we can throw at you and remember for those currently living in a state facility like jail or prison, make sure you get with permission of your parole officer, local judge or prison guard.  There are No records of how many are currently behind bars, thats confidential.   

Special Offer  —  For an additional 29.95  We will send it to the Vatican and have a special Cardinal sign it who lives only two blocks away from the Holy father in  an  old Volkswagen van. 

ProtectIon —  You can join our legal fund insurance group for these services, only 350.00 a year.  We are seeking good Evangelical Messianic Lawyer Frauds like Jay Sekulow after they send T-RUMP off to jail…            


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The Savior’s Freedom Deluxe Universal Religious Kit  —  For only $129.95, simply add the Savior’s Freedom Worship Religious Kit you can start your own church logo or sign or even religion and even personalize it with your name embroidered on the robes and other tools you’ll need.  Go total zealot, this is your opportunity to cash in on all that money those folks trying to buy their way into heaven have.  If they are just handing it out, why not you!

SUGGESTIONS:  It’s easy, all you need is a good story like when you plugged in a lamp in a dark room with a wet floor, sparks and Jesus was there!  

Or the time you drove sixty miles on the desert thruway looking for a restroom.  No bushes to hide behind, but you took time to pray and you did find a bathroom in the next exit  and a mall that was available only ten miles away.  You’ll clean the car seats later.  

These life changing, worship driven prayer like happenings are there to anoint you.  The bathroom prayer results in more “Thank you Jesus’s” than any other! And next time you’ll keep toilet paper in the car…

This entire month becoming a Minister is so easy and you’ll be instantly accepted into the flock since it’s your church and you can immediately start charging admission.  Just show movies, quote scripture, doesn’t matter if you don’t get it, neither do they, and say Amen and Halleluya a lot, and I mean a lot.

But as a bonus if you do order the Universalist kit, we will include for only $129.00 additional,  ( normally $179.00), the Special Christmas Kit with all the accessories as shown.   A real money maker during the Holidays!


But Wait For $129.95 Extra, We’ll Offer Free Shipping On The Entire Package

  • It comes with cheap artificially worn looking Croc Sandals
  • Robes in various colors from a discount clothing store
  • A genuine staff stained,varnished and maybe carved with a picture of one of the various poses of the Lord since no one has ever really seen him. 
  • Applications for your Limited Liability Corporation and 501(3)(C)
  • Free catalogs from the Holy Bread Sticks and Sacred Plastic Blessed Water (fill it yourself) kits.
  • A list of attorney’s specializing in Fraud, and Molestation Charges
  • Catalogs from Challenger and Lear Aircraft, Mercedes and Rolls Royce
  • This months special is a Gulfstream G650 just like the one Creflo Dollar swindled and conned his congregation into buying for him.  Only 65 million dollars.

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More Great Offers  — Evangelicals And The Specials From the T-RUMP Winery

You will need wine in your church.  President Trump’s administration granted Trump Vineyard Estates a permit to sell wine under Eric’s names to avoid taxes and a paper trail. The media really took off on him when he bottled a cheap Chardonnay and called it “ Jesus Juice “.  Many of the drinking Jesus disciples thought the wine was cheap and not worth it.  Mary Magdalena ordered a Rose and got the Jesus Juice.  

Special Offer —  Only $163.00 For a Full 12 Bottles of Jesus Juice

 

NOTE:  T-rump Winery is a registered trade name of Eric Trump Wine Manufacturing LLC, and is rated as all the other Trump collusions and fake enterprises are.  Slightly lower than whale sh*t. They are not responsible for E-Coli, Salmonella or Extreme Diarrhea you may incur as we don’t really care here at Heritage Farms.  We just want your money after all we are all T-RUMPS…and the economy is what it’s all about!


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Blessing Oil -  T-Rump Home Delivery  —  What is the nature of the blessing and in some cases a curse you seek?   You need Blessing oils, not 10w30 Havoline… ONLY USE THE HAVOLINE in your car…Use our special oils, developed by T-RUMPS own scientists,   it to bless a newborn, secure wealth from a business endeavor,  and most popular, to cure an ailment or disease or cause someone else great harm?    Escpeially COVID since T-RUMP ignores it.  Our best oil only uses barefoot Nuns to press the Olive grapes for the oil

Based on its application, a blessing formula may contain ingredients—essential oils, scents, herbs, curios—specific to a single goal; therefore an oil to bless a newborn may be fresh olive oil over which Psalm 127 has been read aloud.  We prefer Olive oil but adding some Canola has a higher heat temperature and you can fry chicken in the stuff that drips off.

On the web you will find recipes for general blessing, formulas that may be used for any situation. If you wish to emphasize a purpose, such as for your business venture, then one of the following blessing formulas may be blending with another mixture such as Money Come To Me or Crown Of Success.  

Adding gold flecks and using dollar bills to apply the oil will increase its intensity in financial affairs.  And for those who really are into this and do a lot of praying we offer T-RUMPS Catholics Home Delivery.  You can use your credit card and we’ll deliver each month for only 39.95 good for at least 75 blessings.


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Discounts For Our Catholic Friends, And Pedophilia Priests  — 

“They shall come streaming to the Lord’s blessings: the grain, the wine, and the oil”   Oil in particular was a special sign of God’s blessing among the many beautiful provisions of the Good Shepherd is his anointing:  “You anoint my head with oil.”  It was used in place of hair tonic.

The tribe of Asher was especially blessed among all the tribes of Israel because, as Moses said, “ The oil of his olive trees runs over his feet”.

It is no wonder then, that oil became a symbol of the fullness of God’s blessings poured out through His Holy Spirit.  

What waste of good oil, oil that tastes like feet.  Then they made crushers of wood so the oil didn’t taste like “smelly feet.” But still many slipped on the oil and the lawyers really cleaned up…

Thus oil has become a rich symbol of our life in his anointing and in the outpouring of His Holy Spirit.  Using oil can be a beautiful and powerful way of renewing our life in Jesus, especially when this oil has been “made holy by God’s word and by prayer”.  

Especially the good stuff at ten dollars a bottle.  Beware of copies and Chinese oil as we do not have a clue what its made from and those fancy Chinese crap bottles they put it in.

10/21/2021   aljacobsladder.com