THE FOOD COURT



Welcome To My Take On Healthy Good Food — The Fun Side

Cooking is all about food and love.  In these tough times with COVID-19, food becomes even more important for reasons of sustenance, personal health and flat outright survival. 

This website is about my thoughts about food today and cooking tastes/trends with the tips, easy recipes and tricks of the trade to make some of your attempts at cooking more professionally rich, safe, appealing and fun.  

And its truth, if you can’t handle truth and live or die by TV commercials, HSN, Fake Chefs, their Shills, anything politicians tell you and others leave now… and have a nice day…  After this page we go back to serious. 

Background  — I made it through higher education working nights in restaurants in NYC, the mecca of food and diversity almost 56 years ago.  Like riding a bike, or a horse, even if you fall off, bad dishes do occur,  you can get back on and do better.   I went from bussing to serving and then started the kitchen and eventually ran the breakfast and lunch, thousands of eggs later…

College credits were eight dollars and we did not have microwaves, fast food and in some cases few English speaking workers…  Decades later those skills haven’t really changed but the food has and it’s reality show… too much CORPORATE GUANO in our food today.

That is,  the corporate designed, manipulated controlled fake food, by chemical and science to make profit.  Food has and is sixty percent of our populations overweight problem.  In computers the expression is “ Junk in, Junk out”.  When it come to food…”Junk In, and it stays there”.

Different World Today —  Technology has been upgraded, science is evident, tools are the same, chefs knives are still 8 to 12 inches, little in hand tools like mandolins and peelers have not changed and mandolins are still the most dangerous tool in the kitchen besides the fryer, stoves, microwaves and flat-tops are gas fired, we have blaster and chillers that chill. 

Truth — Some better, working conditions somewhat improved and distribution is stabilized.  The biggest change is food, now processed, some good, most bad and thats why I made this website.  Not fresh on site, pre-cooked so it’s fast.  Obesity in this country is so high they report it in percentages and the results recorded are scary.

In the United States, 36.5 percent of adults are obese. Another 32.5 percent of American adults are overweight. In all, more than two-thirds of adults in the United States are overweight or obese.

You heard the phrase Bean Counters, I call their job Corporate Guanoists.  We are being served Corporate Food made to a standard to sell and damn the ingredients and quality, the bottom line is the most important factor.  

My favorite target is McDonalds Corporate Trash Heap of synthetic food so the President of Mickey Dee could make millions a year, his workers starve at minimum wage and the food is crap.  So he gets thrown out for fooling around and screwing the minor age help with allegations, lawsuits and settlements pending. 


😇 Special Topic The Beginning Of Mankind’s Interest in Food  —  Cooking is as old as time itself and is constantly changing.  We have chronicled the first episodes in the development of cooking going back to the caveman and his discovery of fire which meant food could be cooked!   We also found out about the annual Testicle Cooking Competition in Europe,


THE DISCOVERY OF FIRE 

COOKING FOOD BY THE NEANDERTHALS and CRO-MAGNONS

Cro-Magnons, a population of early Homo sapiens dating from the Upper Paleolithic Period (c. 40,000 to c. 10,000 years ago) in Europe… In 1868, in a shallow cave at Cro-Magnon near the town of Les Eyzies-de-Tayac in the Dordogne region of southwestern France, a number of obviously ancient human skeletons were found.   

I can see the first caveman discovering the joy of a good pulled Pork-a-Saurus  sandwich, or Pterodactyl wings and Buffalo fries while observing the NFL, The Neanderthal Fighting League.  It was an era when men were men, fought each other and most women looked like men.  It was when man really got into this food thing.  It was that or starve.

It was the Cro-Magnons Strikers vs. the Neandermen, an outstanding game only if you were the winner. It was heart and sometimes head breaking for the losers.  Food, water, and shelter were the prizes for survival and the Cro-Magnon were up by ten points by the odds makers, better adapted to surviving the Ice Age than the Neanderthals. And they had FIRE.

Our hero, we’ll call him CROW” also probably discovered beer about the same time as the Ice Age and that was an even better revelation.  Cold beer and hot food, what a combo!   Fortunately since they had no coolers, remnant glaciers of the ice age kept the beer cold, and a few Neanderthals stupid enough to reach for the beer, fell into crevices looking for those six-packs. They are still there, occasionally with the earth warming up, one pops up from time to time.

One day CROW brought home some FIRE Cooking the Pork-E-Saurus and burnt Badaydoes presented new problems for CROW, his pal GROG the Medicine Man and their gang since they held the meat with their hands in the fire. 

It was HANDEI’S  arm CROW was shoving in the fire to hold the meat, and a revolt took place.  One severe clubbing changed the whole relationship.  HANDAI had enough and dispatched CROW and took over as the leader.

He was now the respected male Cro-Magnon leader, simply being the only one able to walk after the confrontation, and he had made a discovery of controlled fire.  

He started a business, he was working as a door to door salesman, helping other Cro-Magnons.  Think of him as the first Weber guy, and showed the cavemen the benefits of charcoal, making a circle of rocks, and slow cooking upon flat slabs of rock. 

GROG,  new comer liked the program so much and the food, he joined HANDAI and became his associate and helper,  being a Medicine man was not profitable.  He was quick to learn, looking back at the smoke in his burnt cave, and still smarting from his burnt hand,  he thought this was a good plan and he liked HANDEI and called him his HANDAI-MAN from that day forth and they started a company.  

EDITORS NOTE:   This Is Backed By Scientific Discovery, Women Invented Sticks To Cook,  Men Invented Clubs To Club,  Hmmm,  True To This Day…

Business was good for HANDAI and GROG… Cooking was time consuming and took away from hunting and breeding.  Mans favorite pastime to this day.  So he enlisted the help of the ladies of the cave which led to equality. GROG taught his wife BIENDOVER to do the cooking since he almost burnt his arm off four times.  She invented the forked sharpened stick to hold and move the meat.  

They were the first caveman restauranteur couple to attempt HANDAI’s cooking techniques as published by First Stone Publishing.  Their creation was steaks, chops, legs, tail and faux gras on a stick and proudly announced that it tasted great, last time it tasted more of hair and burnt nails, now they use a stick… and the meat was delicious, cavemen came from miles around to eat at GROGS. 

Business doubled and he decided to franchise his operation and offer Pterodactyl size wings with Volcano sauce and choice parts of Pulled Brontosaurus for the Holidays.  Then for entertainment he added dancing girls and we had the first sports bar.  Business was great.

But then on a busy night, at the bar, his wife “ BIENDOVER  said it was her idea to use sticks, not his.  That did not sit well with GROG.   He wanted all the credit.  He turned around and clubbed his wife, one more time and that was too much for her.  

While asleep, he had his hair and head rearranged by a sixty-eight pound brick.  He was mortally slammed by her and she even used his own club on him, to finish the job symbolically, nevertheless she ended their relationship permanently.  

BIENDOVER found a new suitor the next day.  His name was E’UM GLICK… He also came with a great idea and to entice new suitors and customers to the fire pit cooked up a great meal featuring Testicles.  Her ex-mates Testicles included, and to this day, it is a Serbian Custom.  Thats his member in her hand she used for the stock. She was known as the Mother of Testicles for a few million years.

Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction  —  Honest…It blew my mind, I had no idea my caveman approach to humorous cooking would draw an audience.   When I wrote the comedy piece above of the Discovery of Cooking, I get an e-mail from overseas about I had accidentally mentioned their custom, low and behold… an actual event…  Holy crap I never realized what hath comedy brought forth… I call it Modern Day Cavemen


MODERN DAY CAVEMEN

WORLD TESTICLE COOKING CHAMPIONSHIPS — AN ANNUAL SERBIAN EVENT 

  • “ This festival is all about fun, food and bravery,” said Ljubomir Erovic, the Serbian chef and testicles gourmand specialist who organizes the bizarre cooking festival and has published a testicle cookery book.

  • “The bulls’ testicles are the best, goulash style,” said last year’s winner Zoltan Levai, stirring a metal pot heated by a wood fire and filled with vegetables and large testicles that he said were provided from a state-run slaughter house.  Goes to show you the Cro-Magnons still exist and we owe it all to “Bendover". 

  • Testicles are regarded as a gourmet delicacy in Serbia and the country is hoping to develop an export market.  Serbian daily newspaper Glas Javnosti said the contest in the village of Savinac, close to town of Gornji Milanovac.

  • Top chef was won by testicle chef Dejan Milovanovic from Belgrade.  His specialist dish prepared using testicles from a bull and a boar beat off challengers from around the world, who cooked their way through more than 20 kilos of prepared testicles. 

  • His dream is to set up Testicle cook-ing stores and restaurants in the USA.  No franchises were sold in the United States to date though it was commented that we should start this delicacy dish in Washington DC.

  • Spring Rolls, Ratatouille And Curry Were On The Menu at a quirky food festival in rural Serbia on Saturday, with one gutsy ingredient in common: animal testicles.  Now in its 15th year, the cheeky “World Testicle Cooking Championship” draws a motley mix of teams – from groups of friends to professional chefs – for a few days of fun in the Serbian countryside.

  • Breaking Balls News  —  New News About 2021  — So Far No Cancellation  —  About This Festival Previous Location  Eco Farm,  Milanovac|, Lipovica, Serbia     If you happen to be in Serbia during the summertime, you’re in luck—you can eat testicles.  That is, if you have the balls. During the last weekend of August, Serbia holds the World Testicle Cooking Championship—aka the Balls Cup—where people gather to compete in a battle like no other. Winners of the testicle cooking contest prepare a feast at the end of the fest and everyone eats and enjoys the evening, with the sounds of live music filling in the air.

  • 2019 - Last Year The Lipovica, Serbia (AFP):  The World Testicle Cooking Championship featured spring rolls, Lots of Balls, ratatouille,  and curry were on the menu. It draws a motley mix of teams — from groups of friends to professional chefs.  

  • OK,  Some recognition for those who wrote me twenty jokes came into play sent in by those who called the enthusiasts of balls as cuisine a bunch of “ Jerkoffs … Ha-Ha!   And it proves some chefs “ Go balls to the walls”.  

WARNING: The FDA nor the USDA condones this practice thinking these people are simply nuts about nuts!  Be careful about how many you consume but if you find yourself mooing at the moon, quit immediately.  And stop chasing the sheep herd down in the valley.  Here are some shots from the 2016-2018 cook offs.  And it looks like they all had a “ ball - buster of a good time”… chomping afternoon.


See Social Media For More Interesting News On This Topic And The Winners For Their Secret Recipes, No Shortage Of Ingredients, Balls Are Plentiful…  I Would Like To Harvest A Few Hundred Balls From The US House And Senate…


BLESS DISNEY FOR RATATOUILLE

RATATOUILLE is a 2007 American computer-animated comedy film produced by Pixar and released by Walt Disney Pictures. It was co-written and directed by Brad Bird.  The title refers to a French dish, “ Ratatouille", which is served at the end of the film and is also a play on words about the species of the main character. 

The film stars the voices of Patton Oswalt as Remy, an anthropomorphic rat who is interested in cooking;  Lou Romano, Ian Holm, Janeane Garofalo, Peter O’Toole, Brian Dennehy, Peter Sohn, and Brad Garrett… 

The plot follows a rat named Remy, who dreams of becoming a chef and tries to achieve his goal by forming an alliance with the Parisian restaurant’s busboy.

THE DIRECTOR

In 2005, Bird was approached to direct the film. Bird and some of the film’s crew members also visited Paris for inspiration. 

To create the food animation used in the film, the crew consulted chefs from both France and the United States.   


adopted Remy, a resident of Paris as my Kitchen Mascot…he sits on my shelf supervising all I can do…and has quite a sophisticated palate. He would love to become a chef so he can create and enjoy culinary masterpieces to his heart’s delight.   The only problem is, Remy is a rat. When he winds up in the sewer beneath one of Paris’ finest restaurants, the rodent gourmet finds himself ideally placed to realize his dream.

I make anyone I coach watch this Disney movie about the passion, the chef must have to be creative and not a corporate zog.  It is a movie that kids should see because it teaches them that success comes from passion, pride and perseverance.


THE THREE CABALLEROS

 Interest, Uniqueness, Craziness and Class

😇  I was and will always be a fan of Anthony Bourdain both as a Chef and as an entertainer in his travels around the world to places and levels of culinary experiences most of us would never see.  

He told it like it is, not what the corporate spinners put on everything in our society today.  Celebrating ten years on his show before his passing, he was a straight shooter and the show has won many awards. He was as comfortable with a burger as he was in the finest of French Restaurants.  If the food was good, he would let you know, and tell you why it was conducive to that area.  He was more than a chef and a host, he was a culinary and an ethnicity educator… he was my mentor and made me think… I believe it was health issues…

😜The other guy Mr. Zimmern is a very skilled worldly diversified chef and quite the entertaining character.  He has a Medical Board certified cast iron-titanium glass lined stomach full of Aqua Regia to digest his sometimes unique appetite.  

Having traveled myself, liberal with food, and partaken of some local dishes, I’m running about 65-70% OK with his choices.  

The other things about 35% are in the bags the airlines have on back of the seats.

The rest forgetabout it, require immediate attention,  and a really good gag and sometimes a convenient flower pot solved the problem.  I’m not that brave. 

😀 In totally different format, I also like Guy Fiero, a little more off the wall,  and I share my love of the locally owned restaurants with his genre which consists of a lot of drive-ins and dives, where I too have found some great eats and great ingenuity in unique genre’s and venues.  These smaller places remind me of pre-corporate days and one word… “ uniqueness” not found in day after day corporate guano.

Some of the chefs and places he visits have some of the most creative techniques and they have fans… Very loyal customers whose comments especially if it’s an ethic dish,  “ Just like my Momma made it”… No higher comment needed…

But in one place he built up as big, our meals there were flops really bad.  Must have had the B team working that day.   It was burnt overcooked,  not as ordered,  over-spiced,  which brings me to those websites with running commentaries on food, and it’s about time some truth came out. They are all not as legit as they claim.  And too many families writing fake reviews… Too many want bribes…

Many run hot and cold and of course will look good when the cameras are cranking and when it doesn’t look good they start over.  Guy knows his stuff and his backroom experience is based on knowledge, sometimes he acts quite crazy, crazy as a fox…




😇 MY MANTRA - COMMENTARY

Ok, we have had few good laughs hopefully, and now we get a bit serious and the food they serve you, you buy for your home and with the sam tenacity I go after politicians I do the same for the food industry.  I have been threatened, thrown out and chastised for simply telling the truth. In the end they regreted it.

Places to eat fall in categories, I maintain the competition on an equal basis because I have been in small home grown family stores that serve better food for the same money the chains do.  I go after both if the foods bad.

Some think I’m a little harsh on these corporate places or buffets but if you saw and knew what I see and observe, you would not eat there.  Just because they enjoyed their meal there, you don’t see germs and mold and overly exposed food not to temperature,  I’m harsh because I saw or spotted something that was not right that unskilled people not familiar with regulations and laws concerning the industry are not aware of. 

I do carry a thermal testing device to see if food is properly cold or hot.   And a little spore unseen and people may not be aware of has killed 564,000 of your friends

And I love open kitchens, I hate the places that cook in back rooms that you don’t get to see.  Like politicians who I also hate…And possibly the techniques and bad habits you wouldn’t want to know about.   Just about every day we see on the TV or in the news an article on Listeria, Salmonella and a hundred other bugs or viruses in our foods and adding bad habits in the kitchen just adds to the possibility of illness, not wellness.  

Another point I have to make is that some stores are better run than others. I am merely trying to make you more cognizant of your surroundings and what you eat.    Places visited on this list might have the date and time I visited when I remember to put it in my recorder.   And I check a place three times before I clobber it with accolades of pleasure or criticism. 

 Seal the bags in grocery stores.  Sam’ s Club in particular leave all their produce open in plastic bags and those who came here from abroad feel the need to take the bags apart and pick each individual piece of fruit by trying it first and not wearing gloves.  And picking the choice pieces.  They did that in Hunan, China and millions connected with COVID-19.

If it doesn’t look like you are getting either your money’s worth, or the food isn’t right,  COMPLAIN and MAKE IT LOUD!   Sometimes loud enough for the next table to hear.   Bring it back to the counter and either demand a refund or replenishment. They should get the message and when they get it often enough, they respond. 


REALITY EATING

5/2/2021   aljacobsladder.com