THE FOOD COURT  



Welcome To My Take On Healthy Good Food — The Fun Side  — 

Cooking is all about food and love.  In these tough times with COVID-19, food becomes even more important for reasons of sustenance, personal health and flat outright survival. 

This website is about my thoughts about food today and cooking tastes/trends with the tips, easy recipes and tricks of the trade to make some of your attempts at cooking more professionally rich, safe, appealing and fun.  

And it's also about truth, if you can’t handle truth and live or die by TV jerks you never heard about demonstrating some new gizmo around and you believe it will make you a master chef, go for it.   We have fake commercials, phony pricing, HSN, fake chefs, their shills,  the gal who stands there licking her chops out loud, super coated pans,  anything politicians tell you and others —  

After this page we go back to serious insight and honesty which you do not get at many places.  You might not like the truth and facts… 


Background  — I made it affordable for my through higher education working nights in restaurants in NYC, the mecca of food and diversity almost 56 years ago.  Like riding a bike, or a horse, even if you fall off, bad dishes do occur,  you can get back on and do better.   I went from bussing to serving and then started in the kitchen as a line cook, and eventually ran the breakfast and lunch, thousands of eggs, soup,  and sandwiches daily later… and graduated to dinner.

College credits were eight dollars and we did not have microwaves, fast food and in some cases few English speaking workers…  We had flat grills and ovens, no air and hotter than hell on some days.   Decades later those hand skills we learned haven’t really changed but the food has and it’s a reality show… staring too much advertising filled with gimmicks and the influence of CORPORATE GUANO (CG) in  our food today, more profit through chemistry and lesser quality.


New Word — Corporate Guano   CG = Represents processed or created food with chemicals and only GOD knows what else bean counters and chemist used as fillers like the Kraft Like MAC AND CHEESE,  you fed your kids made from Whey, the part usually thrown away… you fed your kids garbage because you were overworked, tired, from work  and  lazy —  it took years for the scientists that was a bad, super bad combo to feed kids developing bodies. 

That is,  the corporate designed, manipulated controlled fake food, by chemical and science to make profit.  Food has and is sixty percent of our populations overweight problem.  In computers the expression is “ Junk in, Junk out”.  When it come to food…”Junk In, and it stays there”.  Fat and sugar do taste good, adding salt is a heart attack looking for a statement  — Keep reading if you think being obese is healthy,  seek professional help… serious enough try a lobotomy.


Thinking Out Loud  One of my favorites is Chef Bobby Flay,  he is an encyclopedia of cooking and has a TV show where he is challenged by another chef to a cooking runoff.   In twenty to thirty minutes he and the other chef create dishes you would not believe from ingredients you never thought of or taught to use.  Then they are judged by three other owner/chefs of popular restaurants around the country who can be as critical as a heart attack.   Flay wins a lot, not because it is his show, but because of his knowledge of what works.  He owns six restaurants across the country, on three shows  and is an “ IRON CHEF” and loves competition.

When he is in food battle mode I watch his techniques and choices,  and  last week I had a friend over for dinner, the main course was Lemon-Roasted Salmon with Escarole, Asparagus, and Potatoes. A recipe easily found on Epicurious, excellent recipes.  She saw me using a cast iron frying skillet made by Lodge, looking further in my kitchen I showed her I have about fourteen pots and pans, four cast irons by Lodge, four additional heavy stainless, by Tramontina Pro, and Al-CLAD.
I only own two soup  or stew pots that are non-stick.  That TV crap with pans of a different color by the month are useless.

Foods sticks because you did not provide a base of butter or oil in the right amount and temperature .  I learned when I started cooking, that  tools are important and some  of these tools were passed down from my mother.  That Lodge skillet was purchased by my mother in the nineteen sixties and works still as good as new  — 60 plus years later.

So time to cook is not the question, it is knowledge, preparation, utensils that work and someone willing to learn.  God only knows how many cooking shows we have, you don’t need to go to culinary school, you need to open your mind.   In most cases, cooking food is based on what your mother taught you, the problem is her training in some cases is a unhealthy generation away or you just didn’t pay attention and too lazy to challenge yourself now.


Different World Today —   Technology has been upgraded, science is evident, tools are the same, chefs knives are still 8 to 12 inches, little in hand tools like manual mandolins and peelers have not changed and mandolins are still the most dangerous tool in the kitchen besides the fryer, stoves, microwaves and flat-tops which are gas fired, plus we have pressure cookers, microwaves, and now we have blasters and chillers that chill. 

Truth —  Some better, working conditions somewhat improved and distribution is stabilized.  The biggest change is food, now processed, some good, mostly adding life to something quite dead…  bad and thats why I made this website.  Not fresh on site, pre-cooked so it’s fast.  Obesity in this country is so high they report it in percentages and the results recorded are scary.   In the United States, 36.5 percent of adults are obese.   Another 32.5 percent of American adults are overweight. In all, more than two-thirds of adults in the United States are overweight or obese.

At McDonalds We Do Beat Our Meat  —  We are being served Corporate Food made to a standard to sell and damn the ingredients and quality, the bottom line is the most important factor.    My favorite target is McDonalds Corporate Trash Heap of Synthesized Food.   - THSF -

Last year they made a statement,  “ They were going to use fresh [unfrozen] meat”  What a unique concept and improvement, “ FRESH MEAT" and what a change from the  “Un-fresh meat”   When they tell you that it might mean the freezers on the delivery trucks broke or somebody changed the thermometers on the trucks during shipping.  It’s all about branding and not food quality.  Put lipstick on a pig and it is still a pig. But in McDonald land lipstick and taste chemicals are what sells.

They have been feeding you sub-par for decades, they were buying the cheapest meats and produce they could put on a bun.  Outstanding,  and with great publicity and sales, the President of Mickey Dee could make millions a year, while his workers starve at minimum wage,  and the food is one step over garbage.  How much you ask?  

SIDEBAR  —  The CEO of McDonalds — Steve Esterbrook was removed from office. He gets gets thrown out of his job for  fooling around, sexualized affairs with his staff and walked away. No one is saying anything and I fear there is more to it.  Maybe a minor, maybe more than one, being a reporter gives you a keen nose for dirt.  Was a minor involved? He was removed very quickly…and the corporation has been silent.

It is under review and Lawsuits with a package worth 57 million dollars.  But  with allegations, lawsuits and settlements pending forthcoming,  he was even denied his golden parachute so far and is countersuing.   Ronald McDonald wasn’t a pervert,   just a goofy idiot to attract kids and Moms went for it hook , line and sinker.   Ronald only played with himself…he had few friends, poor soul…   Selling food with toys for kids that forced lazy parents to feed their kid junk, they should have been dedicated to better food and more blame falls on the non-responsible parents.


😇 Special Topic The Beginning Of Mankind’s Interest in Food  —  Cooking is as old as time itself and is constantly changing.  We have chronicled the first episodes in the first real development of cooking going back to the caveman and his discovery of fire which meant food could be cooked!   

We also found out about the annual Testicle Cooking Competition in Europe, where every dish is prepared by professional chefs to perfection… Keep reading, we call this two part story,  “ The Discovery of Fire”  followed by “ Modern Day Cavemen, Cooking Balls to the Walls"  



THE DISCOVERY OF  FIRE 

COOKING FOOD BY THE NEANDERTHALS and CRO-MAGNONS

Cro-Magnons, a population of early Homo sapiens dating from the Upper Paleolithic Period (c. 40,000 to c. 10,000 years ago) in Europe… In 1868, in a shallow cave at Cro-Magnon near the town of Les Eyzies-de-Tayac in the Dordogne region of southwestern France, a number of obviously ancient human skeletons were found.   

I can see the first caveman discovering the joy of a good pulled Pork-a-Saurus  sandwich, or Pterodactyl wings and Buffalo fries while observing the NFL, The Neanderthal Fighting League.  It was an era when men were men, fought each other and most women looked like men.  It was when man really got into this food thing.  It was that or starve.

It was the Cro-Magnons Strikers vs. the Neandermen, an outstanding game only if you were the winner. It was heart and sometimes head breaking for the losers.  Food, water, and shelter were the prizes for survival and the Cro-Magnon were up by ten points by the odds makers, better adapted to surviving the Ice Age than the Neanderthals. And they had FIRE.

Our hero, we’ll call him CROW” also probably discovered beer about the same time as the Ice Age and that was an even better revelation.  Cold beer and hot food, what a combo!   Fortunately since they had no coolers, remnant glaciers of the ice age kept the beer cold, and a few Neanderthals stupid enough to reach for the beer, fell into crevices looking for those six-packs. They are still there, occasionally with the earth warming up, one pops up from time to time.

One day CROW brought home some   FIRE .  Cooking the Pork-E-Saurus and burnt Badaydoes presented new problems for CROW, his pal GROG the Medicine Man and their gang since they held the meat with their hands in the fire. 

It was HANDEI’S  arm CROW was shoving in the fire to hold the meat, and a revolt took place.  One severe clubbing changed the whole relationship.  HANDAI had enough and dispatched CROW and took over as the leader.

He was now the respected male Cro-Magnon leader, simply being the only one able to walk after the confrontation, and he had made a discovery of controlled fire.  

He started a business, he was working as a door to door salesman, helping other Cro-Magnons.  Think of him as the first Weber guy, and showed the cavemen the benefits of charcoal, making a circle of rocks, and slow cooking upon flat slabs of rock. 

GROG,  the new comer liked the program so much and the food, he joined HANDAI and became his associate and helper,  being a Medicine man was not profitable.  He was quick to learn, looking back at the smoke in his burnt cave, and still smarting from his burnt hand,  he thought this was a good plan and he liked HANDEI and called him his HANDAI-MAN from that day forth and they started a company.  

EDITORS NOTE:   This Is Backed By Scientific Discovery, Women Invented Sticks To Cook,  Men Invented Clubs To Club,  Hmmm,  True To This Day…

Business was good for HANDAI and GROG… Cooking was time consuming and took away from hunting and breeding.  Mans favorite pastime to this day.  So he enlisted the help of the ladies of the cave which led to equality. GROG taught his wife BIENDOVER to do the cooking since he almost burnt his arm off four times.  She invented the forked sharpened stick to hold and move the meat.  

They were the first caveman restauranteur couple to attempt HANDAI’s cooking techniques as published by First Stone Publishing.  Their creation was steaks, chops, legs, tail and faux gras on a stick and proudly announced that it tasted great, last time it tasted more of hair and burnt nails, now they use a stick… and the meat was delicious, cavemen came from miles around to eat at GROGS. 

Business doubled and he decided to franchise his operation and offer Pterodactyl size wings with Volcano sauce and choice parts of Pulled Brontosaurus for the Holidays.  Then for entertainment he added dancing girls and we had the first sports bar.  Business was great.

But then on a busy night, at the bar, his wife “ BIENDOVER  said it was her idea to use sticks, not his.  That did not sit well with GROG.   He wanted all the credit.  He turned around and clubbed his wife, one more time and that was too much for her.  

While asleep, he had his hair and head rearranged by a sixty-eight pound brick.  He was mortally slammed by her and she even used his own club on him, to finish the job symbolically, nevertheless she ended their relationship permanently.  

BIENDOVER found a new suitor the next day.  His name was E’UM GLICK… He also came with a great idea and to entice new suitors and customers to the fire pit cooked up a great meal featuring Testicles.  Her ex-mates Testicles included, and to this day, it is a Serbian Custom.  Thats his member in her hand she used for the stock. She was known as the Mother of Testicles for a few million years.

ED:  Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction  —  Honest…It blew my mind, I had no idea my caveman approach to humorous cooking would draw an audience.   When I wrote the comedy piece above of the Discovery of Cooking, I get an e-mail from overseas about I had accidentally mentioned their custom, low and behold… an actual event…  Holy crap I never realized what hath comedy brought forth… I call it Modern Day Cavemen



MODERN DAY CAVEMEN

WORLD TESTICLE COOKING CHAMPIONSHIPS — AN ANNUAL SERBIAN EVENT 

  • “ This festival is all about fun, food and bravery,” said Ljubomir Erovic, the Serbian chef and testicles gourmand specialist who organizes the bizarre cooking festival and has published a testicle cookery book.
  • Testicle Cooking Is Not New and not only found in Europe, in fact the delicacy is common in the US,  he explained and known as “ Rocky Mountain Oysters”  Rocky Mountain Oysters or mountain oysters, or meat balls, also known as Prairie Oysters in Canada, is a dish made of bull testicles.   
  • Another variant is sheep balls called Lamb Fries in some parts of the countries. Just ask Chevy Chase in the movie “ Funny Farm made in 1988”.
  • Deep Frying is the selected cooking method.  The organs are often deep-fried after being skinned, coated in flour, pepper and salt, and sometimes pounded flat. This delicacy is most often served as an appetizer.   The Oysters come from male calves who have been neutered so they may get calmer and grow huge to slaughter age.  
  • To date:  We have found few or actually no American teams entered in the European Contest —  
  • “The bulls’ testicles are the best, goulash style,” said last year’s winner Zoltan Levai, stirring a metal pot heated by a wood fire and filled with vegetables and large testicles that he said were provided from a state-run slaughter house.  Goes to show you the Cro-Magnons still exist and we owe it all to “Bendover". 
  • Testicles are regarded as a gourmet delicacy in Serbia and the country is hoping to develop an export market.  Serbian daily newspaper Glas Javnosti said the contest in the village of Savinac, close to town of Gornji Milanovac.
  • Top chef was won by testicle chef Dejan Milovanovic from Belgrade.  His specialist dish prepared using testicles from a bull and a boar beat off challengers from around the world, who cooked their way through more than 20 kilos of prepared testicles. 
  • His dream is to set up Testicle cook-ing stores and restaurants in the USA.  No franchises were sold in the United States to date though it was commented that we should start this delicacy dish in Washington DC. Using politicians balls since many of them need to be neutered.
  • Spring Rolls, Ratatouille And Curry Were On The Menu at a quirky food festival in rural Serbia on Saturday, with one gutsy ingredient in common: animal testicles.  Now in its 15th year, the cheeky “World Testicle Cooking Championship” draws a motley mix of teams – from groups of friends to professional chefs – for a few days of fun in the Serbian countryside.
  • Breaking Balls News  —  New News About 2021/2022  — So Far No Cancellation  —  About This Festival Previous Location  Eco Farm,  Milanovac|, Lipovica, Serbia     If you happen to be in Serbia during the summertime, you’re in luck—you can eat testicles.  That is, if you have the balls. 
  • 2019 - Last Year The Lipovica, Serbia (AFP):  The World Testicle Cooking Championship featured spring rolls, Lots of Balls, ratatouille,  and curry were on the menu. It draws a motley mix of teams — from groups of friends to professional chefs.  
  • Funny and Funnier  —  OK,  Some recognition for those who wrote me twenty jokes came into play sent in by those who called the enthusiasts of balls as cuisine a bunch of “ Jerkoffs … Ha-Ha!   But it carries a warning:  
  • WARNING: The FDA nor the USDA condones this practice thinking these people are simply nuts about nuts!  Be careful about how many you consume but if you find yourself mooing at the moon, quit immediately.  And stop chasing the sheep herd down in the valley.  Here are some shots from the 2016-2018 cook offs.  And it looks like they all had a “ ball - buster of a good time”… chomping afternoon.



  • See Social Media For More Interesting News On This Topic And The Winners For Their Secret Recipes, No Shortage Of Ingredients, Balls Are Plentiful…  I Would Like To Harvest A Few Hundred Balls From The US House And Senate…just throw the rest of them away...



BLESS DISNEY FOR RATATOUILL
E

RATATOUILLE is a 2007 American computer-animated comedy film produced by Pixar and released by Walt Disney Pictures. It was co-written and directed by Brad Bird.  The title refers to a French dish, “ Ratatouille", which is served at the end of the film and is also a play on words about the species of the main character. 

The film stars the voices of Patton Oswalt as Remy, an anthropomorphic rat who is interested in cooking;  Lou Romano, Ian Holm, Janeane Garofalo, Peter O’Toole, Brian Dennehy, Peter Sohn, and Brad Garrett… 

The plot follows a rat named Remy, who dreams of becoming a chef and tries to achieve his goal by forming an alliance with the Parisian restaurant’s busboy.

THE DIRECTOR

In 2005, Bird was approached to direct the film. Bird and some of the film’s crew members also visited Paris for inspiration. 

To create the food animation used in the film, the crew consulted chefs from both France and the United States.   


adopted Remy, a resident of Paris as my Kitchen Mascot…he sits on my shelf supervising all I can do…and has quite a sophisticated palate. He would love to become a chef so he can create and enjoy culinary masterpieces to his heart’s delight.   The only problem is, Remy is a rat. When he winds up in the sewer beneath one of Paris’ finest restaurants, the rodent gourmet finds himself ideally placed to realize his dream.

I make anyone I coach watch this Disney movie about the passion, the chef must have to be creative and not a corporate zog.  It is a movie that kids should see because it teaches them that success comes from passion, pride and perseverance.
A great work from the crew at Disney
….


THE THREE CABALLEROS

 Interest, Uniqueness, Craziness and Class

😇  I was and will always be a fan of Anthony Bourdain both as a Chef and as an entertainer in his travels around the world to places and levels of culinary experiences most of us would never see.  

He told it like it is, not what the corporate spinners put on everything in our society today.  Celebrating ten years on his show before his passing, he was a straight shooter and the show has won many awards. He was as comfortable with a burger as he was in the finest of French Restaurants.  If the food was good, he would let you know, and tell you why it was conducive to that area.  He was more than a chef and a host, he was a culinary and an ethnicity educator… he was my mentor and made me think… I believe it was health issues…

😜The other guy Mr. Zimmern is a very skilled worldly diversified chef and quite the entertaining character.  He has a Medical Board certified cast iron-titanium glass lined stomach full of Aqua Regia to digest his sometimes unique appetite.  

Having traveled myself, liberal with food, and partaken of some local dishes, I’m running about 75-80% OK with some of his choices.  

The other things about 25% are in the bags the airlines have on back of the seats.

The rest forgetabout it, require immediate attention,  and a really good gag and sometimes a convenient flower pot solved the problem.  I’m not that brave. 

😀 In totally different format, I also like Guy Fiero, a little more off the wall,  and I share my love of the locally owned restaurants with his genre which consists of a lot of drive-ins and dives, where I too have found some great eats and great ingenuity in unique genre’s and venues.  These smaller places remind me of pre-corporate days and one word… “ uniqueness” not found in day after day corporate guano.

Some of the chefs and places he visits have some of the most creative techniques and they have fans… Very loyal customers whose comments especially if it’s an ethic dish,  “ Just like my Momma made it”… No higher comment needed…

But in one place he built up as big, our meals there were flops really bad.  Must have had the B team working that day.   It was burnt overcooked,  not as ordered,  over-spiced,  which brings me to those websites with running commentaries on food, and it’s about time some truth came out. They are all not as legit as they claim.  And too many families writing fake reviews… Too many want bribes…

Many run hot and cold and of course will look good when the cameras are cranking and when it doesn’t look good they start over.  Guy knows his stuff and his backroom experience is based on knowledge, sometimes he acts quite crazy, crazy as a fox…




😇 My Mantra - Commentary  —  Ok, we have had few good laughs hopefully, and now we get a bit serious and the food they serve you, you buy for your home and with the same tenacity I go after politicians I do the same for the food industry.  

I have been threatened, thrown out and chastised for simply telling the truth.  In the end they regretted it.   COVID-19 closed many places that did not survive because of a lack of take out or following… or their food simply sucked...

Places to eat fall in categories, I maintain the competition on an equal basis because I have been in small home grown family stores that serve better food for the same money the chains do.  I go after both if the foods bad.

Some think I’m a little harsh on these corporate places or buffets but if you saw and knew what I see and observe, you would not eat there.  Just because they enjoyed their meal there, you don’t see germs and mold and overly exposed food not to temperature.


Why Do I Combine Food, Politicians, and Theologists Under One Roof?

I get asked this all the time  —  Simple explanation,  rarely do you get to see what really going on in the kitchen,  most political deals are backroom shady deals, someone will make money on the deal, and our beloved men who speak of God but don’t follow God took in 65 billion dollars in 2018 and only 56 billion was accounted for, I simply class all of them as scumbags and despicable…

I’m harsh because I saw violations, or spotted something that was not right that unskilled people not familiar with regulations and laws concerning the industries are not aware of and that is a direct route for your safety being exploited.


Food Should Be Cooked Properly, Fresh, Safe, And Appealing  —  I do carry a thermal testing device to see if food is properly cold or hot.   And a little spore unseen, and we have lost 604,000 of your friends…  in the United States and Millions in the world, its not over yet…  Restaurants and bars are places where contagion exists, you just can see it...

There is little difference in these three categories…And I love open kitchens, I hate the places that cook in back rooms that you don’t get to see, and adding bad habits in the kitchen just adds to the possibility of illness, not wellness.  And possibly the techniques and bad habits you wouldn’t want to know about.

Like some politicians who I also hate…  Just about every day we see on the TV or in the news an article on Listeria, Salmonella and a hundred other bugs or viruses in our foods, at the same time  a Politician caught stealing, and a religious type who is a pervert,  pedophilliac, or some other church scandal. 

Back to food…

  • Another point I have to make is that some stores are better run than others. I am merely trying to make you more cognizant of your surroundings and what you eat.   
  • Places visited on this list might have the date and time I visited when I remember to put it in my recorder.   And I check a place three times before I clobber it with accolades of pleasure or criticism. 
  • Seal the bags in grocery stores.  Sam’ s Club in particular leave all their produce open in plastic bags and those who came here from abroad feel the need to take the bags apart and pick each individual piece of fruit by trying it first and not wearing gloves.  Those were like the open air markets with live animals in Hunan, China and killed millions connected with COVID-19.
  • Many from the other side of the world rarely use utensils and dip or eat with their fingers in communal style.  I do not know where those fingers have been, nothing more to say.
  • If it doesn’t look like you are getting either your money’s worth, or the food isn’t right,  COMPLAIN and MAKE IT LOUD!   
  • Sometimes loud enough for the next table to hear.   Bring it back to the counter and either demand a refund or replenishment. They should get the message and when they get it often enough, they respond. 

REALITY EATING

10/21/2021   aljacobsladder.com