HURRICANES

 

HURRICANES AND SO FORTH...


Once again the brunt of the storm wormed and turned it's way around the Bay of Tampa.  We have missed the last ten mild and severe storms thankfully. One circumvented the state and went to New Orleans, Katrina.   Since my condo is six stories up, I do not fear the flooding.  If it gets that high I’ll need to put a call into Noah.  

It's a site-cast total concrete building with lots of rebar and built strong with bullet level plastic safety coated windows.  It’s on a golf course surrounded with lakes and ponds galore, really an Island accessible by a forty foot bridge and SWIFTMUD who is our water management is behind the power curve on dredging thus, a good flood could happen.   With food, water, enough propane,  and a natural barrier to keep thieves out, it’s doable.  I have taken enough precautions for thirty days of survival

Lately, hundred of rental apartments have gone up in Florida and they are what we call matchboxes.  100% All wood construction  and this is what they look like after a direct hit.

My garage on the surface level has an elevated five foot platform with Gorilla Brand nuclear rated shelves with cases of canned food and water five feet off the floor.  It if gets that high the Canoe comes out.  We keep a propane stove, propane lights, and reserves, water and canned foods, back up batteries for all the radios and an ample supply of Budweiser, C- Rations, Ramen noodles in four flavors, Bud light, Cheeto’s  Peanut Butter, Miller Light, Crackers, and Martini Mix and a small Honda generator.  After I put this collection together easily keeping me warm and dry, no hurricanes, rain nothing else.

 

PUBLIC SAFETY and GET ON THE “A” LIST FOR A GOOD HURRICANE PARTY
•  For those who have not taken advantage of the tons of public safety information available, here are the basics from the local advisory and stock up on those necessities, the FEMA folks usually distribute Ice and water.  Oh, the ice is for the beer.

•  Dress appropriately, flip flops, big-fish patterned shirts and shorts for the men, no underwear. For the girls, halters, tops optional and really short shorts or bikini bottoms and thongs.

•  Study the words to “ Margaritaville" for the sing-along's.   

•  Fill vehicle gas tank with gas, it displaces water, fill self with Vodka, it displaces fear.  Or may we suggest this fruit filled concoction called a ‘ Hurricane”

•  Not a bad idea to have something for home defense and protection.  Things get crazy during evacuations and crazier when supplies get low.  Baseball bats are Ok, if you read the whole story on Katrina you would understand.  But a .380/.40 cal Glock in all sizes and a Remington 870 all good.
•   Get cash and secure papers and valuables and store in safe place, computers might not take credit cards during the building break-ins.

•  Refill medications and make sure you have the bathroom basics, band-aids, toilet paper, Alka seltzer, PROZAC, Viagra, Medicinal Brandy and Duck tape. Fill containers and tubs with water, even if evacuating – you may need the water when you return, fill one container with Brandy or at least good Vodka (2 liter min) floating in large pieces of ice if this goes more than a few days.  

•   Your windows, if not safety glass, at least cover them with DUCK TAPE to prevent flying shards.  (Remember we are the State for Shards and Chads.)

•   Be sure to help neighbors with their preparations. They won’t listen anyway proclaiming, “ I’ll ride this one out”.  SURE, you will, remember how helpful they were to you during the last hurricane.  
 •  And be sure to cover your own ass, even the LORD said do not covert thy neighbors ass. Unless she is divorced and has a drop dead ass.  Sit  back and watch, Enjoy natures way of getting even and leveling the land again after we screwed up her previous work.

 

🔴  EARTHQUAKE ⭕️
Besides hurricanes, we have tornadoes, waterspouts and our newest phenomena, the earthquake. Didn't think California and Turkey had the edge. We get earthquakes emanating from the Gulf.  Funny the last one we had emanated from the center of the Gulf.   

Almost the same location that the meteor that caused the extinction of the Dinosaurs (no no no, please evangelicals, they were not killed off by the cavemen, that was 200 million years later) but if you need a theory for conspiratorialists,  just tell them you think it’s Godzilla.  That hole in the middle of the gulf was caused by a large meteorite or baby asteroid and killed just about everything on the earth. Thats the truth.

 

⭕️INFART-SRUCTURE    
Since our state has adapted the low bid policy, and our corrupt Givenor.  ( Give-nor is a corrupt Governor who gives the best contracts to friends without bids)   the I-4 corridor from Tampa to Daytona and the I-75 highway from say Sarasota to the Georgia border might get completed one day. Maybe 2028.

In forty years I have never been able to go from one place to another using those highways without numerous construction delays to improve the job botched previously. 

Fellows, please consider another inch thicker asphalt and it might last a year longer.  Low bids? Nah, good lobbyists. 

Both the Leroy Selmon Expressway and the Clearwater Beach Bridge had construction failures costing a lot before the first car crossed over.   

👷   And just today 3-16-2018 as I was updating this page with new twists a 950 ton pedestrian bridge in Miami collapse killing six and five more not recovered as yet but the worst presumed.

And as usual our politicians will offer their thoughts and prayers and still take graft money and fix nothing.  This is true of the State of Florida and The Congress of the United States.   It’s time the people woke up and realized the real problem in this country is the scumbags we elect.  You’ll never have a more perfect union when you elect imperfect, not even close to good people.  I’m declaring one day before elections National Hanging Day and with one trip to Home Depot solve a few problems that have festered too long.


⚡🌩   LIGHTNING and TAMPA BAY
We get so much, we named our one-time Stanley Cup Hockey Team after it, unfortunately they kind of short circuited and grounded out the next year. 

Lightning is as much a part of the Tampa canvas as manatees and strip clubs. It tears through sky on an average of 100 days a year. It singes and burns, injures and even kills.   Florida is a contender for the Lightning Capitol of the world and Tampa Bay is the Capitol of the Capitol. 

We average more lightning strikes per hour than anywhere else in the world.  Enough that we have a Lightning Research Lab at the University of Florida. The last class reported shocking information about the intensity of strikes and as soon as they get out of the hospital, we'll hear more about it.

And it leads us to a bold assertion: "Tampa is known, as all of you know, as the lightning capital of the country," It's an association ingrained into the soul of the city. But, the claim of national storm superiority might be a little overzealous,as the state leads the nation in lightning-related fatalities. But calling Tampa the lightning capital of the United States, or North America, or, as some have said, the world, just isn't true.

Houston is a hot spot, and so is the arc from North Carolina to New Orleans. New England. The Rocky Mountains. The amount of lightning activity a region or city sees changes every year, depending on a whole host of factors. One defining term would be the most cloud-to-ground lightning strikes another is thunderstorm days. 

Some strikes pack more of a punch, or multiple punches known as strokes — the parts of the bolt that fragment off, documented in iconic photos. A single strike could carry as many as 15 strokes, adding one more layer to the comparison process.

 

 🌊  SINKHOLES

What's a sinkhole? well it's NOT the hole in the middle of your sink that the water goes down.  It’s an underground cavern that during the dry and wet spells in the state tend to collapse on occasion. 

Totally unpredictable and ranging in size from a Ford 150 pickup to a 3200 square foot house.  Sinkholes add an aura of concern around the purchase of a new home as it might NOT be covered in your homeowners policy.  

In that case your bank account might be a stink hole from the sinkhole. In 2017 three houses fell into the holes and four more condemned in Pasco County from one sinkhole which has reduced the home values in that area to a notch above zero.

--------*02-18-2019 aljacobsladder.com