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IT'S A BIZARRE BUSINESS AT TIMES

PRELUDE:  Too often, with a frequency that will amaze you.  I have been privileged to have seen it all, and heard it all from people who spent years in the industry.  Not every wedding was as joyful to shoot as this couple.  Two warm compassionate human beings,  but some weddings were stress clinics. 

Often you will be amazed when you share intimate little happenings that made some Weddings stand out from others.  You lean back and think to yourself are these people sick in the head?

Culture has many levels of sanity and I have been privileged to have seen much of it and heard it all from people who spent years in the industry.  Including violence and sheer stupidity, endangering others. I have witnessed wedding attendees punching each other out over a bridesmaid.

For some reason, on a couple occasions,  without a band which usually indicates a higher level of financial security  the  DISK JOCKEY  ( platter flipper) was involved somehow,  and it was over a  bridesmaid.     

Some weddings have all the ingredients of a two-step dance hall on Friday night. People in costume, drinking, having a cause, jealousy and ass-grabbing.   Boys will be boys and booze bring's out the best in them.

FASTEST EXIT:  Babies and excitement tend to merge, one Bridesmaid barely made it to the hospital when the "I do's” timed perfectly to the babies “ He did” .  A healthy blessed 7.8 pounds of “ He did" less than 40 minutes after they arrived,  he arrived and had new Daddy’s name.

And I got to shoot the kids first pictures, in the hospital, it was also one of the longest wedding jobs I ever shot. Labor does not always come quickly.  He was in no rush but a beautiful kid.

MY  WORST:   I tripped over the father of the Bride passed out drunk, flattened on the main aisle floor of a large Catholic Church and the Bishop, a close friend of the family, never skipped a beat,  even blessing the drunk as he laid snoring on the floor.   The Holy water lost to the Glenlivet, the drunk, at least he had good taste. Thats wonderful single malt.  His daughter didn’t think so, and his action ruined the day.

We carried on ignoring the father.  She never spoke to him again. She would not even attend his funeral.  I found out this was her second husband coming from a really bad first, she had two kids and her new husband was a prince of a person and meeting much of his family for the first time.  I found out her father’s entire life was booze and she begged him, for one day on her new life would he be sober. He was not and this was a tragedy. 

HE BROKE MY CAMERA:  At that point several folks tried to help me carry him out of the way, so the Church could do the Recessional.   He got a little violent with all those hands on him, took a swing caught me and ripped the front sync socket clear off of a Mamiya C330 twin lens. I made a trigger from a paperclip for the synch. I did the formals with an open shutter and a paper clip.  I had a toasted finger after it was all over.

I managed to do the formals, then I finished the wedding in 35MM. The Bride whom I had known well told me she has never spoken to her father since that day. It seems that chronic alcoholism was a family issue. That’s sad. He went to the grave never knowing how much he hurt his daughter.   It's sad but abuse tends to show at these occasions due to stress.

MY MOST TRAGIC:   A few months after their wedding because the couple both worked for the same company their Honeymoon was delayed two months so they could coordinate vacation time.   They went north to scuba dive in Florida’s vast underwater cave system.   

He was a certified open water diver and wanted to get his license or ticket stamped certification  in cave diving during his Honeymoon.  He never made it out, he drowned, it took days for teams to find the body in the labyrinths of I believe the  Blue Hole area, I believe.   I delivered the Wedding pictures to his family and wife.  As they had been prepaid.

Worse, it became a legal battle over his life insurance between his family and the bride, I never did figure that one.  It just made things worse.  

The wedding had been paid for, but my anger came for two reasons, empathy — why a battle over insurance and I cannot understand as a diver,  how this could this happen, buddy system required, supervision, standardized training, rigid curriculum, what failed?  I never found out.

THE GOOD PERSONS:  Then you get a chance to do a couple like this in the black and white picture at the top  and it makes it all worth while. They were really nice folks and a great personal friendly wedding.  The reception was in the home, lots of friends, family and a great time.
I learned something about good people from my doctor.  Good doctors,  when you find one, only refer you to other good doctors,  their reputation is critical to them, poor doctors refer you to their golfing, social or boating buddies.   

Same with people I have met at weddings.  It was a great party.  Oh, Couple years back Black and White was the rage, today its gimmicks and over-saturation.

THE DARK SIDE  —   The most bizarre wedding story I know about stems from being an actual case of the Bride thanking the Best Man,  above and beyond the call of duty for one Brides last fling (bang-bang) about a half hour before the ceremony.   In the back seat of a car in the parking lot.   She dated him before she was to marry my friend. I know the story to be true, as I got it from the victim.

They got caught. I guess she thought it was all right since she wasn't married yet.  In some places this would be construed as twelve gauge news.    In some countries her head would have been used in a volleyball tournament. The wedding became a party since it was paid for,  but the marriage never took place, immediately annulled,  and he made the announcement it was over.  My friend married someone else and he is very lucky to have a nice family with a wonderful wife and a beautiful, extremely intelligent daughter. The guy upstairs works in strange ways.

ROMEO AND JULIET —  MIXED EMOTIONS AND ETHNICITIES  —  On another spectacular but scary occasion,  I went to shoot a mixed ethnic and religious wedding of East Orthodox and Catholic persuasion in the upper Bronx in NYC.   Close enough you might think. I was approached, more like I was told,  “  I would be swimming with fish's or stuffed into Kielbasa”  if I took pictures of the other side, by either side.   The bulges in their jackets more or less convinced me.

I handled it, and as a young Wedding shooter made a double shoot out of the deal.  I went to my car and grabbed ten more rolls of 120, and two more bodies, proceeded to shoot both sides with their respective clans.  The  Eastern crew got their pictures, and the Catholics got theirs.  Rolls carefully marked “ E" and “ O".   The importance of carrying extra film and bodies, it was 120/220 at that time.

My boss wanted to know why I shot twice as many pictures, I explained, he understood,  and I was paid for shooting two weddings and the girls who sold the Wedding Albums in those days,  played one side against the other and had the biggest sales of  Wedding Albums which I got a commission on, for weeks after.  There is a Wedding God. Sometimes you get a break.

TACTICAL THINKING 

—  The Who Me Club — 

You are about to join a unique club.  Together we will embark on a new path. I will be your guide. After shooting 450 over thirty years or more,  I am a survivor. Hopefully you will have made it through your first. Many don’t. This book will hopefully give you the savvy to survive.  It's a lot different being the second shooter, the pressures not on you, you are a backup and not directly in the line of fire.  Handling the nutcases is not your job.

— YOU MIGHT BE IN CHARGE — 

Its easier doing it when you are doing it for nothing, no fee, no harm and again, the pressures not on you.  So why the high failure rate in this business... it’s the pressure, it’s a lot different when it’s on you. And it is totally unpredictable. 

That’s the rub, you can’t see a disaster. When you do this for a fee regardless of he amount, you have entered into a contract and you are bound.  The excuse in court I only took money for the film don't work anymore.  Mother-in-laws can be hazardous to your health just like momma grizzlies as she may of been the one who gave the money.

—  YOU ARE NOT A PASSENGER — YOU ARE FLYING THE PLANE —  

The trick in this business is always being on your toes and ahead of the game.  It’s the same as a pilot like myself for 32 years.  And as the game gets bigger and more is involved, you have to step up to the pump sooner and more professional.
Like flying a Learjet, you have to be one hundred-fifty to two hundred - forty miles ahead of what you are doing like landing, planning your descent.  In a Cessna 210, it is about thirty to forty miles and in a 150 about eight to 12 miles. We call it the closing descent rate, your thinking being in front of the aircraft. 

I will generously share all that knowledge I have gained through the years with you in a few hundred thousand words and hopefully you will have it all absorbed by tomorrow night when you go out on your own.  This is all about me and you. I made the mistakes, and you avoid them. That’s what teaching is all about. I aim to toughen you.

 

—  BOOT CAMP  —  

This is BOOT Camp, Part one. I will try to guide you through the Wedding Process. The latest cool word in our lexicon is PROCESS. As a wedding photographer you are part of a process. The word processional comes from the word process. The processional for the Bride is the grand entrance of all the participants in the ceremony.

It’s generally when the mother of the Brides heart is the second loudest in the church. The loudest will be yours. Fear does that. The mothers fear is losing a daughter who now has a new advisor, her husband. Your fear is from all the things that can change as soon as the music starts and missing the big moment. 

—  WEDDINGS ARE FUN  —  

Weddings are fun occasions to attend and participate in as a guest.  “As a guest”, I said, all that food, drink, the friendly people, the fun, music, games and plenty of  “  Love is in the air”.  Then the alarm goes off and you wake up. “ Today I have to shoot a Wedding”. 

Shooting a wedding can be quite a challenge to the new photographer and very intimidating if you haven’t actually had training in this area. Add to that, it can be financially self destructive if you don’t get it right. 

We do live in a sewer, that’s spelled SUE-ER society. And I guarantee to you, little has to do with being able to take pictures. Most of the automated cameras today can take pictures. But when your weddings look like snapshots, ultimately you have failed the test.

The attitude of “winging it” can be very self destructive because St. Murphy-Lawes, the patron Saint of Photographers is generally not on your side. But “no fear” and “winging it” are all too common these days with the advent of digital.  

—  UNDERSTANDING LIGHT  —

Photography is about light, not the mantras of the photo equipment manufacturers. Failures are because of a lack of preparation, training and a sheer lack of effort and study. PERIOD. Flash manufacturers, know this and they have automated their flash units to death, they call it integration. So you get something of an image, and then I hear, just shoot it and we'll correct it in Photoshop.

—  REAL PHOTOGRAPHERS VS. POST-OGRAPHERS — 

Are those who study the extreme use of sharpness, raw over/under exposure and bloated saturation which is the motivation behind an enormous cash flow in the general direction of ADOBE PHOTOSHOP products.   So be it, it is worthy if it works for you.

I love ADOBE , I live in it, It opened my eyes to righteous photography.  I know I pay for the same upgrade bills you do.  But It is an enhancement tool.  You should not think it makes bad into good.   It makes good into GREAT!  POSTOGRAPHER’S through PHOTOSHOP,  those with shooting interpretation and skills and  who use the tools that PHOTOGRAPHERS need, are integrated and essential.
One creates and then can correct and enhance images that never existed when the primary shoot steals a precious moment of time.

  —  LEARN FROM THE NEANDERTHALS  —  

• Putting your hand in fire if you didn’t know what fire was, would be very common occurrence. But as soon as a few of those Neanderthals got a few burned hands, a lesson was learned, and the caveman had it down pat. That’s why he made the women do the cooking. 
• No more burnt hands for the men.  Women invented the shish-ka-bob and the stick.  So he went on to Saber-tooth tigers and Mastodons.  More learning lessons were accrued and a few Saber-tooth’s ate well… from the survivors we have learned a few things.  That men do like ribs done over charcoal fires and Saber-tooth's think men taste like Chicken.
  
• Let me be clear as a bell. This is not “putting down” newcomers to the game like the Neanderthals.  Even they learned and became eventually the Cro-Magnons.   On the contraire, these are the tips here for the newcomer to survive.  It’s a big undertaking and you might as well know what you are getting into. 
• You need essentially to know what the hell you are doing and that only comes from the most important three “ P’s “ in the industry.

PRELIMINARIES  — PLANNING — PREPARATION

• Preliminaries and investigation goes hand and hand  means you ask and find out pertinent information, all you can about the forthcoming event.
• Planning is the physical part of the production. Location, location, location is the success or death of a restaurant.  Same as in a wedding or event.  Locations sometimes throw you curves, just like priests.  And you have to physically be comfortable in the entire wedding location, people and process. It’s how you have to respond. 
• Preparation  is when you make sure all the parts of the puzzle are in place ready to go, on time, on process and your team is ready if there is a second shooter.  The day of the wedding is not the time for the discussions. The process should be entrenched.

CHALLENGES AND IMPENDING CRASHES

• Brides and Grooms don’t know you usually from Adam.   They also might be less knowledgeable on how to select a photographer.   And you might not be up to their level of comfort.  Sometimes they run in the same circles and when they meet, it’s called a “impending crash”. When they agree to do it, it’s called “an impending disaster”. It has another name, read on — 
  
  
• The Bride is challenging the Photographer to do a very difficult job without regard for his or her qualifications, knowledge or experience, on the one single most important day in a lifetime.   She picked you because of being frugal and she liked your Teddy Bear pictures —   “ You can do it” , the battle cry of the Lemming!
   
• I owned at one time a Lab which di lots of work for steady professional shooters so we attracted some beginners and newbies.  We called them “ Lemmings”, they thought it looked easy and jumped right in, or shall we say jumped right off.  It was your teddy bear pictures that sold the bride.
  
  
• The ones you did with a quick Strobist setup. You might be accepting the challenge without a clue as to what really is needed both in equipment, style, qualifications and experience. This is also what we call clueless meeting clueless... with the result meeting the great Russian Attorney Boris Kutsuntsoff .
  
  
• The second thing that cracks me up are the questions that arise if someone else at the wedding has better gear than you do.   Oh, the embarrassment, I have been outgunned by a guest.  UNCLE HARRY makes his presence known.  I emphasize this it’s not problem except in your mind. The other guy just has more money than you.  You are supposed to have the skills.  
  And when he comes over to show you his toy or brags about it, just reply with a straight face,  look serious:   “Yes were offered those, we looked at those seriously but our vendor we do thousands of dollars with and a few phone calls to friends in business in other cities turned us off to that model ”.  We passed.
  We turned down the trade-in deal we were offered from Canon-Nikon-Pentax-etc.  ( Pick One) We stuck with what we had that worked well and was reliable, and that model has already had complaints and terrific recalls", they might bring a newer version out sooner ”.   That takes the wind out of Uncle Harry's sails and he will go into molting losing his tail feathers.  
  
  
• When I go out with a newbie for a wedding he booked, I let them go as far as they can just before they destroy themselves. Then I step in and get it under control.  Then they sense the panic and it imbeds in them.
  
  
• Here is another scenario, you are a great tap dancer, you just won American Idol for your exploits. You are challenged to tap dance across a minefield and wondering if you wore the right shoes. Ninety percent of the new photographers I see on the wedding forums asking for advice are wondering more about the shoes and haven’t got a clue about what’s happening at a wedding.  You never hear from them after the event because they have been blown to smithereens.
  
  
• If you desire to become a professional in this arena the key is experience and self- confidence.  Experience is gained by reading, observing, attending, inquiring, and eventually working with an established professional. Self-confidence is not bravado, it is the culmination of experience.

THE LEGALIZATION OF INCOMPETENCE

You are about to join a unique legal organization.   And since you accepted something, money, cows, pigs and so forth it’s now LEGAL. And it is totally unpredictable. That’s the rub, you can’t see a disaster. When you do this for a fee regardless of the amount, you have entered into a contract and you are bound.  Lots more coming on this topic, contractual agreements,  promises and gross mistakes etc.