The Vice President MIKE PENCE
2017 CONTENDER “Best Verbal Ass-Kissing Speech”  
Rated A+ on the Society Of Universal Congressional Kooks (SUCK)


Good afternoon.  (One line he got right) - Secretary Mnuchin, Secretary Ross, EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt, members of Congress, distinguished guests, on behalf of the First Family, welcome to the White House.  

It’s the greatest privilege of my life to serve as Vice President to a President who is fighting every day to make America great again.  (You should of gotten a life sooner)

Since the first day of this administration, President Donald Trump has been working tirelessly to keep the promises that he made to the American people.  President Trump has been reforming healthcare, enforcing our laws, ending illegal immigration, rebuilding our military.  And this President has been rolling back excessive regulations and unfair trade practices that were stifling American jobs.
(On the bullshit scale this rates a ten)

Thanks to President Trump’s leadership, American businesses are growing again; investing in America again; and they're creating jobs in this country instead of shipping jobs overseas.  Thanks to President Donald Trump, America is back.
(And the sound of twenty suckling pigs is in the background)

And just last week we all witnessed the bold leadership of an American President on the world stage, putting America first.  From the Middle East, to Europe, as leader of the free world, President Trump reaffirmed historic alliances, forged new relationships, and called on the wider world to confront the threat of terrorism in new and renewed ways. 
(And totally 100% Fouked up our relationship with our allies)

And by the action, the President will announce today, the American people and the wider world will see once again our President is choosing to put American jobs and American consumers first.  Our President is choosing to put American energy and American industry first.  And by his action today, President Donald Trump is choosing to put the forgotten men and women of America first.  
(And to bring back coal pollute our air and streams and totally Fouk up everything)

So with gratitude for his leadership and admiration for his unwavering commitment to the American people, it is now my high honor and distinct privilege to introduce to all of you, the President of the United States of America, President Donald Trump. 

(Thank you Mike “Bendover” Pence, just waiting in the wings for someone to take out Trump)

🇺🇸  I suppose he will worry about that if Mike Pence has to take over, he picked Mike because Mike is the consummate yes man. Or shall we say the consommé yes man, thin skinned and watery, little substance,  Jesus ado-rant, to love Jesus that much, what are you so guilty of for that much forgiving, could it be the “ Obstruction of Justice charges brought back” ’?

And by worry even more because Mike Pence, the Koch-brothers tool so feared by liberals because he might be more efficient at bringing America to its knees than his boss.  Were Pence to ascend unelected to the presidency after a Trump collapse, still more scandals would pour out, Republicans in Congress would be fighting for their political lives, the economy would be rattled, and Washington would default.

“If Donald Trump embodies a particularly confrontational brand of raw, crass Republicanism, Mike Pence is his quiet and sinister counterpoint.  Pence is the quintessential GOP extremist, a radically anti-choice former governor and fierce opponent of gay rights. It is reported that in a conversation about the LGBT community, Trump motioned to Pence and joked, ‘Don’t ask that guy — he wants to hang them all!’  Pence possesses the legislative experience and emotional discipline that Trump lacks, making him even more of a threat.” — Peter Daou

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