BE ALL YOU CAN BE  👺⛪️ 

Next


he Evangelical Movement
“Some Mis-guided Good People of the GOP Base Who support Scumbags



YOU TOO CAN MAKE LOTS OF MONEY WITH NO
EFFORT BY STARTING YOUR OWN CHURCH OR EVEN STARTING A NEW RELIGION!


👺 STEP ONE - BABLICAL DEGREES

If you wish to become a charlatan, priest, pastor, advisor, con job or some other title.  We can help you get the stuff you need to make money from other people... and hang that 29.95 certificate on your wall.  It’s the key to financial rewards beyond your imagination using our proven tools all the big names in Gospel Prosperity use.

Your TV preachers, a Bastion of Biblical Babbling Crusaders are happy to brag about their compromised slew of honorary degrees, not worthy of true recognition from anyone with an IQ above 23 as most likely the answer is no, they are not real degrees but they sound and look good.   Politicians, brethren to Religious fakirs love these degrees and adorn their walls with all kinds of honorariums.  



They are printed on nice quality paper.  About .20 cents a sheet.  All used to separate your people, they will find you, from their money for a Godly cause.  Lear Jets, Rolls Royces, Caddilac’s, and Mercedes Benz’s all Godly causes you can easily  achieve...  people believe anything.  

And NEW!  Just Google Honorary Degrees and give that rescued mutt you love so much a degree in Human Affection for only 19.95.  Proudly hang it on the wall.  Pet Degrees are 19.95 and the naive and stupid people will believe you that Rocco your hound will save their soul by going on their lawn.  In truth Pet photographers love their ordained Pet certificate...  and in some churches Pet Baptisms and Blessings are once a year, for $10.95 and larger animals are $14.95.  No Snakes please.

For years the fake fundamentalist  [Dr. Degrees] invented by man not GOD issued by even faker theological seminary’s and monasteries have churned out certificates to those who donate small amounts of their take.  We call them the Photoshop Religionists Of the Bablical Order or PROBO’s.  

THIS WEEKS SPECIAL: See Lego’s new Last Supper Toy for 29.95, your cost $12.00, a real money maker Christmas time and limited two to a customer.

Students of theology, divinity and religion are often unsure about the differences between a Ph.D. in divinity and the Doctor of Divinity degree. At first glance, the two seem to be identical.   And several of the fake prophets use the DD before their names.   The Doctor of Divinity Degree is not a degree.  It is a gift or recognition by someone not really certifiable to give out that honorarium. It is frankly nothing but works with weak-minded people.  We have many politicians who also love their honorariums.

LEGALITY:  A deeper overview of the respective degrees reveals, however, that a Ph.D. and a D.D. are substantially different and are awarded to very different groups of people. Significantly, the Ph.D. is an earned degree, while the DD is strictly honorary.  Admission to a Ph.D. in divinity is rigorous and competitive, while admission to a D.D. program is usually nonexistent, since the degree is purely honorary.  The D.D. is achieved by $13.99, cash or credit card on line and up , one hand on the TV set and whispering , “I love Jesus”



👺 STEP TWO - YOU NEED A REAL FAKE DIPLOMA

The second group consists of Companies, one in particular, with man-made Photoshop, cut and paste wording, and a few printers and order on line or do it yourself.   We call them the Divinity Framers and Farmers.  They produce real , official looking fake documents, basically a fraud in itself but since a fraud is getting it, they don’t care.  

They are farming for suckers and clowns, producing great artwork and no legality even those who run around praising Jesus ad nauseam.  The problem is these suckers are just that to promote themselves and can do harm to people who turn to religion in moments of need.  Who cares, no one reads these things anyway, and you can make money.  Just Google “ Fake Diplomas”.



👺 STEP THREE - THE ORDAINED MINISTER CERTIFICATE  

CLAIM:  The Universal Life Church Monastery (ULC) is a non-denominational, non-profit  religious organization famous worldwide for its provision of free, legal ordinations to its vast membership over the internet.

And anyone else stupid enough to believe this shit.  Please make sure you check with your local Tax Collector,  Police Department, the IRS, and persons of strong established religious normalcy in the community like the following

“ Be well armed ( Guns, knives, flash bangs) since you are infringing on their territory, barrio, church, or turf and may have a resident Bishop, Priest, Pastor, Rabbi’s, Shaolin priests, A Bhikkhu (Buddhist) Imam, Grand Imam’s, Mufti, (Muslim) Swami and Houngan or Mambo (priest or priestess) in Haitian Voodoo after your ass. 

In addition, we have other frauds called Alternative Practitioners, Faith healers,  Isangoma, Medicine man,  Mundunugu,  Obeah doctor,  sorcerers,  Wangateur’s or Wizard’s who will not be happy with you. Expect a deluge of curses aimed at you and be aware of a Cobra in your bed...


The ULC, recognizing the importance of maintaining open hearts and minds, embraces any individual, no matter his or her spiritual background,who wishes to become a member of this family of faith. Since it’s founding, the Universal Life Church has ordained more than 20 million ministers.  

The ULC has also become renowned for its role as a champion of religious freedom, social justice, and spiritual expression. While the Universal Life Church Monastery has become a global leader in these fields, it largely attributes that status to the commitment and competence of the millions of empowered ministers brought together in a world tent of togetherness. 

The Universal Life Church is headquartered in Seattle, Washington — from which it performs and records all ordinations, ships out minister supplies like Ordination Credentials and Letters of Good Standing,  and fights daily for the rights of its ministers and persecuted individuals everywhere.  

And any other bullshit slogan we can throw at you and remember for those currently living in a state facility like jail or prison, make sure you get with permission of your parole officer, local judge or prison guard.  There are No records of how many are currently behind bars, thats confidential.   Remember for 29.95 they’ll even send it from the Vatican and have a special Cardinal sign it who live s only two blocks away in an old Volkswagen van.  You can join our legal fund insurance group for these services, only 350.00 a year.    




👺 STEP FOUR - SAVIOR’S FREEDOM WORSHIP RELIGIOUS KIT ON SALE
For only $129.95, simply with the Savior’s Freedom Worship Religious Kit you can start your own church or even religion and even personalize it with your name embroidered on the robes.  Go total zealot, this is your opportunity to cash in on all that money those folks trying to buy their way into heaven have.  If they are just handing it out, why not you!

It’s easy, all you need is a good story like when you plugged in a lamp in a dark room with a wet floor and Jesus was there!  Or the time you took time to pray and you did find a bathroom in the mall that was available.  

The life changing, worship driven prayer like happenings are there to anoint you.  The bathroom prayer results in more “Thank you Jesus’s” than any other!

THIS MONTH SPECIAL - SOUTHERN BAPTIST 

This entire month becoming a Southern Baptist is so easy and you’ll be instantly accepted into the flock since it’s your church and you can immediately start charging admission.  Just show movies, quote scripture, doesn’t matter if you don’t get it, neither do they, and say Amen a lot, and I mean a lot.

Other religions will be offered but slightly higher due to costs incurred in deseminating their customs, traditions and flatulently charged rhetoric.  
They include:   Pentecostal, Reformation, or Episcopal, Methodists will be on sale next month.  

The Catholic kit also costs more ($199.00) due to strict titheing regulations, current lawsuits, settlements and the Vatican Tariff on promotional goods. But as a bonus if you do order the Catholic kit, we  will include for only $149.00 additional, normally $179.00, the Special Christmas Kit with all the accessories as shown.   A real money maker during the Holidays and available in the other kits too.

The Southern Baptist kit is complete;

  • It comes with cheap worn looking Croc Sandals.
  • Robes in various colors from a discount clothing store
  • A genuine staff stained,varnished and maybe carved with a picture of
    one of the various poses of the Lord since no one has ever really seen him.  
  • Applications for your Limited Liability Corporation and 501(3)(C)
  • Free catalogs from the Holy Bread Sticks and Sacred Plastic Blessed Water (fill it yourself) kits.
  • A list of attorney’s specializing in fraud, and molestation charges
  • For Priests - Catholic lawyers are Slightly Higher
  • Catalogs from Challenger and Lear Aircraft, Mercedes and Rolls Royce.
  • This months special is a Gulfstream G650 just like the one Creflo Dollar swindled and conned his congregation into buying for him.  Only 65 million dollars.



👺  STEP FIVE- EVANGELICALS AND THE WINERY

WOULD JESUS DRINK FROM THE TRUMP WINERY OF COURSE!  -- You need wine in your church.  President Trump’s administration granted Trump Vineyard Estates a permit to sell wine under Eric’s names to avoid taxes and a paper trail. The media really took off on him when he bottled a cheap Chardonnay and called it “ Jesus Juice “

SOME REVIEWS


NOTE:  T-rump Winery is a registered trade name of Eric Trump Wine Manufacturing LLC, and is rated as all the other Trump collusions  and fake enterprises are.  We are not responsible for E-Coli, Salmonella or Extreme Diarrhea you may incur as we don’t really care.  We just want your money after all we are TRUMPS.     


👺 STEP SIX - GET TO KNOW OTHERS IN YOUR COMMUNITY - POPE TO POPE

POPE FRANCIS OF THE WEST:  So, tell me,  hows business, are you guys doing anything with BITCOINS?  We are looking into it, we are thinking of inventing our own, you know one coin for 200 Hail Mary’s, or 400 Our Fathers.  Sinners buy anything...our book stores do very well and could sell a lot of them.

PATRIARCH KIRILL of EASTERN RUSSIAN CATHOLIC:  Good idea, but please be careful,  BITCOINS could be the work of the devil.  By the way, how do you like our new bigger cross, it’s 20% larger and we doubled the price.

POPE FRANCIS OF THE WEST:  Thats really nice , and I’m glad you got rid of the propeller on your hat, the cross looks much better now.  

PATRIARCH KIRILL of EASTERN RUSSIAN CATHOLIC:  Thank you and you really look comfortable in the beanie style, reminds me when I was a kid.  
The Jews do the same thing, must be cooler in the summer.  I understand Italian suits are the bong, can you get me a deal on some new robes from Brioni.

POPE FRANCIS OF THE WEST:  Sure, anything for you my friend... you could wear white in the summer, lots cooler and doesn’t show dust.  I hope you enjoyed those relics we lent you.   

PATRIARCH KIRILL of EASTERN RUSSIAN CATHOLIC:  By the way, how are you doing with those Priests that were assaulting your flock.  How do you handle it? Is it hurting the numbers of parishioners?

POPE FRANCIS OF THE WEST:  We now take a different approach to this things.  Just like the American government, we stalled and stalled and some new crisis makes them forget.  Since this has been going on since Christ was a child, the Holy See and my predecessors have kind of swept it under the table.  But somehow the table moved and we’re back in the headlines.

INVESTIGATION: I’m finding out that some were transferred to other dioceses and allowed to stay on.  Sooner or later we will have to face the situation,  just like the accusations of the Pope supporting the Nazi’s, and when we blamed the Jews for betraying Jesus and it was the Romans, and the fake Blood Oath, and so forth. 

SOLUTIONS:  What I fear are the “ The Vigilante squads called the Eunuch makers”.  They want revenge and they borrowed an idea from the French. It’s called a mini-guillotine smaller, mounts to the edge of the table, guaranteed to solve the problem.  Couple of my Cardinals thought it would make a nice gift, you know Christmas for Cigar smokers... Idiots!  I’m trying to put out fires and they’re worried about cigars...


👺 STEP SEVEN - BLESSING OIL 

What is the nature of the blessing and in some cases a curse you seek?   Is it to bless a newborn, secure wealth from a business endeavor,  and most popular, to cure an ailment or disease or cause someone else great harm?

Based on its application, a blessing formula may contain ingredients—essential oils, scents, herbs, curios—specific to a single goal; therefore an oil to bless a newborn may be fresh olive oil over which Psalm 127 has been read aloud.  We prefer olive oil but Canola has a higher heat temperature and you can fry chicken in the stuff that drips off.

Below you will find recipes for general blessing, formulas that may be used for any situation. If you wish to emphasize a purpose, such as for your business venture, then one of the following blessing formulas may be blending with another mixture such as Money Come To Me or Crown Of Success.  

Adding gold flecks and using dollar bills to apply the oil will increase its intensity in financial affairs.  And for those who really are into this and do a lot of praying we offer Catholics Home Delivery.

SPECIAL DISCOUNTS FOR OUR CATHOLIC FRIENDS,
AND THE 300 PEDOPHILIA PRIESTS (They will need it) 

“They shall come streaming to the Lord’s blessings: the grain, the wine, and the oil”   Oil in particular was a special sign of God’s blessing among the many beautiful provisions of the Good Shepherd is his anointing:  “You anoint my head with oil.”  It was used in place of hair tonic.

The tribe of Asher was especially blessed among all the tribes of Israel because, as Moses said, “ The oil of his olive trees runs over his feet” It is no wonder then, that oil became a symbol of the fullness of God’s blessings poured out through His Holy Spirit.  What waste of good oil, oil that tastes like feet.  Then they made crushers of wood so the oil didn’t taste like "smelly feet.”

Thus oil has become a rich symbol of our life in his anointing and in the outpouring of His Holy Spirit.  Using oil can be a beautiful and powerful way of renewing our life in Jesus, especially when this oil has been “made holy by God’s word and by prayer”.  Especially the good stuff at ten dollars a bottle.  And the fancy Chinese crap bottles they put it in.

-------*11-2018 aljacobsladder.com